just because i am fat

hello everyone! first of all if you are reading this dakshita then hit a like and comment to show your presence! and everybody say hello to my friend. in case you aren't able to look directly at her or you haven't met her then let me tell you how she looks. she's thin,short and cheerful. quite my type . dirty minded and naughty. she has vampire like two canines and hair so wavy that i could kill for!

And the season’s back when girls finally feel insecure and the most disgusting thing ever on the planet but now I don’t feel sympathetic towards them I need sympathy for my own dear life. I always bluffed about how beautiful a girl is when she’s comfortable in her own self. With her own body and there’s nothing she’d want to hide. Even if she’s curvy, fat or thin she’s satisfied but let me clear it up now. It’s all a trap. Life feels horrible after my realisation of being fat. I am just of no good. No, I haven’t been struck by lightning I am struck with cholesterol! Oh my! It would have been better if I would have been struck by lightning than to face this ugly truth about myself that makes me want to puke all over the place. I never had that coming. Actually I am damn confused about how to explain it. I am at a stage of my life which I thought I’d never end up to. At least not in my teens but I guess the odds aren’t on my favour. Hit me in the face someone?

So, it all started with a very happy story when I and my dearest friends were over to a friend’s house for a sleepover after her tiring dance party. Honestly I’ve always loved dance parties no matter how much my heels ache the very next day there’s something about them that I can’t resist. It isn’t only just the dance party but it’s also about what we are going to wear. basically this is what we talk about weeks ago before we even know the party is coming but since we are girls and girls like fashion and fashion is fun we gossip all day long about how glam and tip toed we’ll be looking on the big day. we all are the suspense breakers as we can’t simply keep our outfit a secret so all you can do with us is that talk about your outfit as much as possible and explain each and every millimetre of it and yes, don’t forget your accessories! I love this topic so much that I can talk about it day and night. As per my record which completely says that I looked glam in all the recent parties I am pretty much sure that I’ll look better in my future outfits too! Honestly I love it when my besties complement me and my collection, the feeling that one gets at that time is unexplainable. So, every time I go out for a much awaited shopping spree before picking out just the right outfit I always keep in mind that it looks exactly the way I want it to look in any party. Not too decent nor too out of the world. I carefully choose my outfit and no wonder how many I have but I always fall for the one in the black. Be it totally black or just a little hint of it. Something is there about it that catches my eye. Well so, this time I decided to wear the dress my sister bought for me from my dream destination Paris! Yes, at first i was freaking out too but I just wanted all eyes on me so I decided to pair that LBD with some black stockings and a pair of black wedges and a prepped up ponytail. I thought I looked too damn hot for it but as I had seen the birthday girl’s dress I wanted to be another showstopper in the room. To my expectation at first everyone was looking at me and admiring me but then if we move this story a bit ahead when I was at my friend’s home one of my tall bestie commented that I looked healthy. You obviously know my reaction very well don’t you? I was like oh my god! What? Do I look fat? Omg! No! No! Noooooooooooooooooo! For god’s sake no! I asked her if she was serious and she nodded which seemed pretty much like a yes to me. Well never mind that I ignored it and cooled myself down but then today during school hours another best friend came up and told me that her mother even said to her that I looked healthier than before. Again you very well know my reaction. Kill me please!!!!????? Why? Why only me? She even pointed out to my diet and told me to control a bit on my carvings and stay away from my beloved chocolates and all sorts of unhealthy things. How can I stay away from them? Can you stay away from your loved ones? Just as I was about to ignore it I sensed a sudden urge to cry and whined like a two year old in front of her with a very tensed face. To give me relief she confirmed that it wasn’t much and that she too looked just like me but like I cared at that time about that. I know they all were just lies. Sad lies. I whined all my way in the recess and asked one of my boy friends to tell me whether I seemed fat from anywhere and he at first took it in a very casual way and replied with a very satisfying no but then he snapped back and instantly replied that my face looked a bit smaller than my body! Oh no! I don’t know what to do! So as soon I rushed home I asked my father to tell me a few exercises which help reduce fat. I feel dumb now rivewing myself in the mirror now since like from the time I have reached home. I feel disgusting not just because I was told I looked fatter but also because I never believed in any of this. Where am the me which said once that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes? Where is that me? At this time I am questioning myself if I actually think that my theories are correct or just fake. Am I not pretty just because of my weight?

i love you bestie!!!!

Some people are actually ones who come and change your life. They are meant to mend your ways and completely change the way you think! They totally restore your faith about things you believe don’t even exist. Ok, I am not talking about a lover. Though I wish I could experience that feeling but I guess the above description is quite worthless and small to tell you about it, I am talking here about friends! Friends, no not that show you T.V. maniac, I am talking about the people who we are comfortable with, who we know and don’t want to get apart from them. At least I don’t want to.........but however they are funny, sad, annoying or just crap they are friends. People often are not friendly and as I grew up I began understanding every letter to the core of these two words. As I was a small kid about the age of four or five I had faith in friendship and by that I mean a lot of it because I could easily make friends except the grumpy cat faced people because in that case I would have ran like hell. To be honest I was innocent and as I grew up I have realised that every single person around me is willing to sign a use and throw contract with me. To some people I don’t even feel like a friend I am just another option to talk to when they need something. It was bitter but truth and truth is better than a bitter lie. That didn’t made sense right? Anyway I have this awesome friend pallavi who I love just to the moon and back.i feel so good being with her , although we meet very rarely but still I am going to be with her all day after three months because I am joining her school! Although we are of the same school but we study in different branches. So due to our annual function practise... did I mentioned that I am in a stupid drill? Holding pom-poms? No? Well now you know it. So, due to the practise we need to go to their branch and believe me and my friends only participated to go there. We are some sick girls with crazy minds. So, today all my faith in people restored. Why? Because first of all I’d like to curse my teacher misses manju who is strictly against boys and girls conversing or just sitting around. I hate such people who in this century, even the time when we are at heights of progress and prosperity, where our society is reforming with the norms it had earlier created but we, the children, how will we prosper and develop in such a society where the teachers are not only accepting this change, where the ones who teach us, guide us are the only ones to shape our minds like they were of the society which we are struggling to change. I wish teachers could be young and jolly so that they understand the future of their country and I wish I could just ban such teachers who do such type of things and get this cautiousness in the brain set of small buds. It’s against us, against the future. What on earth does she thinks she is? Always full of sarcasm. Not appropriate to be called as a teacher.

Whenever I went to her branch she always used to find me and hug me and so happened this time! She came to meet me! Who she hasn’t been able to talk to n ages. I felt so good that I was important to someone! I felt so glad! I felt as if she was a real friend. I went to meet her and her friends and god they were so nice! As if they knew me since ages! Later in the break when Miss Manju sent all the boys to the canteen we were ferocious of the kind of behaviour we girls were getting. We weren’t even allowed to go to the canteen! Isn’t that partial! So, she came along with her friend and brought grilled sandwiches for me! Wish people like her exist even more. What can I do now with no words let to tell you about how I feel, nothing left to describe but still I want to tell you more about it but what should I do with this feeling of satisfaction in my heart and an overwhelming big grin......