just because i am fat

hello everyone! first of all if you are reading this dakshita then hit a like and comment to show your presence! and everybody say hello to my friend. in case you aren't able to look directly at her or you haven't met her then let me tell you how she looks. she's thin,short and cheerful. quite my type . dirty minded and naughty. she has vampire like two canines and hair so wavy that i could kill for!

And the season’s back when girls finally feel insecure and the most disgusting thing ever on the planet but now I don’t feel sympathetic towards them I need sympathy for my own dear life. I always bluffed about how beautiful a girl is when she’s comfortable in her own self. With her own body and there’s nothing she’d want to hide. Even if she’s curvy, fat or thin she’s satisfied but let me clear it up now. It’s all a trap. Life feels horrible after my realisation of being fat. I am just of no good. No, I haven’t been struck by lightning I am struck with cholesterol! Oh my! It would have been better if I would have been struck by lightning than to face this ugly truth about myself that makes me want to puke all over the place. I never had that coming. Actually I am damn confused about how to explain it. I am at a stage of my life which I thought I’d never end up to. At least not in my teens but I guess the odds aren’t on my favour. Hit me in the face someone?

So, it all started with a very happy story when I and my dearest friends were over to a friend’s house for a sleepover after her tiring dance party. Honestly I’ve always loved dance parties no matter how much my heels ache the very next day there’s something about them that I can’t resist. It isn’t only just the dance party but it’s also about what we are going to wear. basically this is what we talk about weeks ago before we even know the party is coming but since we are girls and girls like fashion and fashion is fun we gossip all day long about how glam and tip toed we’ll be looking on the big day. we all are the suspense breakers as we can’t simply keep our outfit a secret so all you can do with us is that talk about your outfit as much as possible and explain each and every millimetre of it and yes, don’t forget your accessories! I love this topic so much that I can talk about it day and night. As per my record which completely says that I looked glam in all the recent parties I am pretty much sure that I’ll look better in my future outfits too! Honestly I love it when my besties complement me and my collection, the feeling that one gets at that time is unexplainable. So, every time I go out for a much awaited shopping spree before picking out just the right outfit I always keep in mind that it looks exactly the way I want it to look in any party. Not too decent nor too out of the world. I carefully choose my outfit and no wonder how many I have but I always fall for the one in the black. Be it totally black or just a little hint of it. Something is there about it that catches my eye. Well so, this time I decided to wear the dress my sister bought for me from my dream destination Paris! Yes, at first i was freaking out too but I just wanted all eyes on me so I decided to pair that LBD with some black stockings and a pair of black wedges and a prepped up ponytail. I thought I looked too damn hot for it but as I had seen the birthday girl’s dress I wanted to be another showstopper in the room. To my expectation at first everyone was looking at me and admiring me but then if we move this story a bit ahead when I was at my friend’s home one of my tall bestie commented that I looked healthy. You obviously know my reaction very well don’t you? I was like oh my god! What? Do I look fat? Omg! No! No! Noooooooooooooooooo! For god’s sake no! I asked her if she was serious and she nodded which seemed pretty much like a yes to me. Well never mind that I ignored it and cooled myself down but then today during school hours another best friend came up and told me that her mother even said to her that I looked healthier than before. Again you very well know my reaction. Kill me please!!!!????? Why? Why only me? She even pointed out to my diet and told me to control a bit on my carvings and stay away from my beloved chocolates and all sorts of unhealthy things. How can I stay away from them? Can you stay away from your loved ones? Just as I was about to ignore it I sensed a sudden urge to cry and whined like a two year old in front of her with a very tensed face. To give me relief she confirmed that it wasn’t much and that she too looked just like me but like I cared at that time about that. I know they all were just lies. Sad lies. I whined all my way in the recess and asked one of my boy friends to tell me whether I seemed fat from anywhere and he at first took it in a very casual way and replied with a very satisfying no but then he snapped back and instantly replied that my face looked a bit smaller than my body! Oh no! I don’t know what to do! So as soon I rushed home I asked my father to tell me a few exercises which help reduce fat. I feel dumb now rivewing myself in the mirror now since like from the time I have reached home. I feel disgusting not just because I was told I looked fatter but also because I never believed in any of this. Where am the me which said once that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes? Where is that me? At this time I am questioning myself if I actually think that my theories are correct or just fake. Am I not pretty just because of my weight?

the spongebob inside of me

we all have our own list of worries. some people are too busy counting theirs while others just throw it at their problem's face, i mean just imagine it. hilarious. we all are humans and all of us tend to worry and get nervous hopefully only some of us still wet their pants. thank god for that because if that happens a lot then i guess stages have to keep atleast 10 sweepers daily. thinking of this i am disgusted already to go to the stage tomorrow. thanks already brain! we all are full of emotions and thoughts and ideas even though our generation has mostly the nonsense ones but look on the brighter side of it! atleast we have a full functioning brain! i am a rfeally anxious person , i get tensed on typical things . yes,you can count any normal thing that you do and if you can't think then let me give you today's example. 

since the last week we are going to our main branch and i know that you already know what for but in case if you don't then here's my tip : 1.read my last published post girl! and 2.you look like a uniciorn probably because noone has ever seen one. lol i am so weird. anyway as we are going to have a super-duper annual function this year after like 3 or 4 years our school fauculty suddenly arised and shined with the most disgusting idea of all to cancel both our carnivals and practise for our annual function. yep, i know i should have killed them already but nah... m good. so,we are enjoying a lot practicing there with our friends over there and having fun and all kinds of stuff people do in schools except studies. everyday was the same, we all girls of the same class boarded a bus and left for the other branch and i was thankfully seated by some girls which i knew and this new seating arrangement took place today. i wasn't aware of anything related to the "pom-pom group" don't judge me , i know it's hideous but since we are designated as cheerleaders in our dance i think it isn't that bad . after a whole tiring day i finally boarded the bus and talked for hours with the girls sitting next to me and then later i came to know that all the costumes were distributed and i wasn't even there so i had no costume to be worn but then i asked my ma'am about my dress and she told me that she had locked it in the cupboard and i felt a tiny bit of relief but then the monster inside me woke up and started yelling like spongebob , yes, it's that bad and i got freaked out and since i called my bestie just right now i got shocked. she told me that all the costumes were ill-fitted and UN-ironed and i wanted to break down into pieces after hearing this. so, i freaked out again and decided to Google to how to not take stress and after reading the same  crap again and again i decided to do it my way and i felt wonderful after doing it the way i wanted. i went to the washroom and did my thing and sat there for a while,closed my eyes and thought about my present where i had nothing to do but accept the fact that it was totally impossible to break into the school right now and find my dress . then i thought about the past, it's gone and it's history and i need to remember more about our freedom fighters rather than how the dress dispersal went and in the future i made plans for things to go perfectly as i have thought. end of it. i opened my eyes and talked to myself that  it's a waste of time to worry about such small things when i have bigger things to worry about like ebola or maybe my dinner! 

the thing is i want my experience to be someone's guidance. yes, obviously i have read that quote which says that i want to hear someone say to me that because of you i didn't stopped but right now i am being a very kind person and you should cherish that. i wanted  my problem to be solved . i wanted to help others who are thinking the same or who have been trapped or caged by their own thoughts. who are mot willing to meditate or are running out of time,money or love. anything. my solution to become someone else's answer too! so, if you are going through a mental trauma then please visit my blog! god, i am so greedy but it's my good too! I've done enough kindness for today!but seriously i know how that feels and those weird butterflies and things getting onto your nerves. just in case nothing like that happens to you, you better pass a human or robot test. 

we all are same and equal and blah blah blah...... sorry but I've done enough for today.