a fashion mistake

Call it being stupid or bold it’s the same thing. In my life being bold is equivalent to being an idiot who can never get enough of being idiotic. While I was a small kid and mind that I was a very innocent one , I wasn’t much concerned about how badly I was dressed up which was all because of my mother and neither of the outrageous type of a being I seemed wearing the combinations she set up for me but as I gradually grew up I began understanding the way I should carry myself as well as the way I should dress up . so, for once and all I decided to back out from the agreement which I don’t even remember when I signed with my mother to dress me up just because she was a mom. I was finally over with it so, I began shopping things I found unique and beautiful but the cost wasn’t a problem, the stalkers were. Whenever I decidsed to wear all my beauties out people would stare at me and comment on my clothes and no wonder I could smell jealousy but I started hating the unwanted attention on such occasions. So, I got merged with my style somewhere in the crowd and wore simple clothes which wasn’t my style at all. I began wondering if I should buy a pretty dress. That’s when it hit me. Straight in the face for once and for all. I was totally bewildered. The realisation took place so late that I was running out of things to be worn. But then i blame some huge part of the underconfidence to my sister. She’s not a shopaholic and neither a utterly fancy girl but she made me caouncious of what I wore. Before her pointing out to me about my clothes and how short they were or how improper I looked I used to be so happy. So wonderful and confident. Like I didn’t cared about any comments. Like I just cared for what I found pretty. I used to be so me. I never took my mum seriously, whenever she used to say that all the time you have is now to wear everything in your childhood . I wish I would have never disagreed to that statement because no matter how much I deny it, it’s true. I am not the same girl anymore who wears what she wants. Before even picking out a dress for any place I have to think about the people and their reactions and on a scale of ten to hundred how odd am I going to look. If you want to live my experience then imagine yourself coming to a party dressed in all black with a dress code of white. All eyes will be on you, won’t they? An as I am writing this I feel more and more sad. I need help. Everytime I see those models and girls in movies I feel like crying because I am stuck in the middle of nowhere because I know that I can’t get out of this problem but at the same time I don’t want it at all. Help me.all I just do now is to wait for parties to come for an occasion to dress.isn’t it frustrating?

painting,painting on the wall

A painting on the wall

With a deciduous tree,

Showing beauty of the fall

Says enough to me.

Depicting every part of it

Without a mic to speak,

All full of orange, but

With a hint of green., but

Seems like spring to me.

What is it? Just a plain Sheet.

Made up of paper and trees.

Printed with some colors

Attracting each.,

Wanting me to stay ,

Look at the beauty

Of every detail,

 I am unable to see

Just a tree with nothing To feel.

.                                                                               As the light closes

                                                                I leave to go

but I will come Back in summer,

in snow,

seeing the branches

And the leaves will they grow?

burger or bug her!

And the season’s back when girls finally feel insecure and the most disgusting thing ever on the planet but now I don’t feel sympathetic towards them I need sympathy for my own dear life. I always bluffed about how beautiful a girl is when she’s comfortable in her own self. With her own body and there’s nothing she’d want to hide. Even if she’s curvy, fat or thin she’s satisfied but let me clear it up now. It’s all a trap. Life feels horrible after my realisation of being fat. I am just of no good. No, I haven’t been struck by lightning I am struck with cholesterol! Oh my! It would have been better if I would have been struck by lightning than to face this ugly truth about myself that makes me want to puke all over the place. I never had that coming. Actually I am damn confused about how to explain it. I am at a stage of my life which I thought I’d never end up to. At least not in my teens but I guess the odds aren’t on my favour. Hit me in the face someone?

So, it all started with a very happy story when I and my dearest friends were over to a friend’s house for a sleepover after her tiring dance party. Honestly I’ve always loved dance parties no matter how much my heels ache the very next day there’s something about them that I can’t resist. It isn’t only just the dance party but it’s also about what we are going to wear. basically this is what we talk about weeks ago before we even know the party is coming but since we are girls and girls like fashion and fashion is fun we gossip all day long about how glam and tip toed we’ll be looking on the big day. we all are the suspense breakers as we can’t simply keep our outfit a secret so all you can do with us is that talk about your outfit as much as possible and explain each and every millimetre of it and yes, don’t forget your accessories! I love this topic so much that I can talk about it day and night. As per my record which completely says that I looked glam in all the recent parties I am pretty much sure that I’ll look better in my future outfits too! Honestly I love it when my besties complement me and my collection, the feeling that one gets at that time is unexplainable. So, every time I go out for a much awaited shopping spree before picking out just the right outfit I always keep in mind that it looks exactly the way I want it to look in any party. Not too decent nor too out of the world. I carefully choose my outfit and no wonder how many I have but I always fall for the one in the black. Be it totally black or just a little hint of it. Something is there about it that catches my eye. Well so, this time I decided to wear the dress my sister bought for me from my dream destination Paris! Yes, at first i was freaking out too but I just wanted all eyes on me so I decided to pair that LBD with some black stockings and a pair of black wedges and a prepped up ponytail. I thought I looked too damn hot for it but as I had seen the birthday girl’s dress I wanted to be another showstopper in the room. To my expectation at first everyone was looking at me and admiring me but then if we move this story a bit ahead when I was at my friend’s home one of my tall bestie commented that I looked healthy. You obviously know my reaction very well don’t you? I was like oh my god! What? Do I look fat? Omg! No! No! Noooooooooooooooooo! For god’s sake no! I asked her if she was serious and she nodded which seemed pretty much like a yes to me. Well never mind that I ignored it and cooled myself down but then today during school hours another best friend came up and told me that her mother even said to her that I looked healthier than before. Again you very well know my reaction. Kill me please!!!!????? Why? Why only me? She even pointed out to my diet and told me to control a bit on my carvings and stay away from my beloved chocolates and all sorts of unhealthy things. How can I stay away from them? Can you stay away from your loved ones? Just as I was about to ignore it I sensed a sudden urge to cry and whined like a two year old in front of her with a very tensed face. To give me relief she confirmed that it wasn’t much and that she too looked just like me but like I cared at that time about that. I know they all were just lies. Sad lies. I whined all my way in the recess and asked one of my boy friends to tell me whether I seemed fat from anywhere and he at first took it in a very casual way and replied with a very satisfying no but then he snapped back and instantly replied that my face looked a bit smaller than my body! Oh no! I don’t know what to do! So as soon I rushed home I asked my father to tell me a few exercises which help reduce fat. I feel dumb now rivewing myself in the mirror now since like from the time I have reached home. I feel disgusting not just because I was told I looked fatter but also because I never believed in any of this. Where am the me which said once that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes? Where is that me? At this time I am questioning myself if I actually think that my theories are correct or just fake. Am I not pretty just because of my weight?